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[WRITING] A Botched Robbery (aftermath) (SFW)

Discussion in 'User-Submitted Works' started by Ecroose, Aug 4, 2016.

  1. Ecroose

    Ecroose Member Member

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    So I lost the story i spent three days writing (mostly due to me being a terrible writer) so I'm just going to write the scene i thought you guys would like to see the most.

    Before i begin, I'm going to recap what i wrote(that got deleted) so you guys aren't totally confused. My character is a Thief who breaks into Noble homes to steal dangerous magic items. I had described his methodology for casing a location (using the arts to provide atmosphere to the nobles in exchange for prime vantage points), his entrance into the mansion (a combination of natural Fox agility and Shadow magic), and finally his mistake (struck from behind by a conjured arrow laced with a powerful and debilitating poison. It also set off the alarm on the mansion.) Using Shadow magic, he was able to escape the mansion and most of the guards, but winds up collapsing from the blood loss and poison. Instead of hitting the ground however, he feels himself pulled somewhere else...

    I don't know how long i fell, it felt like forever. I kept expecting to hit the ground at any time, but the ground never came. My senses felt numbed, then suddenly my body was on fire, then i became aware of the cold stone i was laying on. I blearily opened my eyes and tried to push myself up. AFter, sruggling for a minute, the world stopped spinning long enough to stand up, and i could see where i was. I looked up in front of me to see an altar, and perched on top of that altar was...
    Fuck me, I do NOT need this right now.
    On top of the altar was my patron god, the Lord of Shadows. He took the form of a raccoon, dressed in finery. His head-fur was disheveled in an (admittedly) attractive way, and he formed the fur on his chin into a sharp looking goatee. If you saw him at a distance, you'd mistake him as a wandering noble...until you looked at his eyes and saw the glowing orbs that he possessed. That and the bigass cheshire grin he was wearing as he looked at me.
    "well now...look who woke up!" he began in that stupid tone of his that sounded both condescending and sarcastic. I HATED that stupid tone.
    "I didn't need your help. I had everything under control." I lied. I'd sooner sell myself to the lowest brothel then admit to this ass-god that i needed his help. He still hasn't stopped reminding me of the last time he saved me. His stupid looking smile got bigger at my response, and he hopped off the altar and began to pace around me. I tried keeping my front to him, but moving at this point was excruciating, so i just stared stonily ahead.
    "Really?" he started with that stupid tone of his. "Well, there's an arrow sticking out of your back..." he poked
    said arrow, shooting pain through my shoulder. I bit down on my tongue to keep from crying out. "...there seems to be a LOVELY river of blood coating your fur..." he gently wiped his finger down my back, collecting some of said blood on it. "...and, correct me if wrong-" "you're wrong." i said automatically. "-but you seem to be poisoned. rather exotic stuff i might add." he finished, ignoring me. He stood in front of me and crossed his arms. "I think you DID need my help, oh champion of mine." I glared at him and took a deep breath. Focus Aern, don't let him under your skin, don't play his stupid game, change the subject and calm down.
    I looked down at myself. "Where are my clothes? and my gear?" i asked. I may have been pulled through space and time, but i remember doing so fully geared.
    "Oh, Charles has them somewhere." he said dismissively. "you remember Charles? the Head priest? Good guy Charles, in fact-" his stupid grin returned. "i was having a conversation with him when we noticed your predicament. Charles was all 'my lord you CANT save him, its TOO RISKY!' and i was all 'But I MUST Charles! or else, my champion could DIE a HORRIBLE DEATH.'" i felt my eye twitch as he overemphasized his conversation. "You know..." he says, leaning in close to me. "...i haven't heard a 'thank you' yet. Go on, say 'Thank you almighty lord of shadow for saving my sorry hide from my own BUMBLING self-"
    I snapped.
    Before he could continue his sentence i hit him in the jaw with an uppercut, knocking him on his ass. Fuck that felt good.
    "FUCK YOU!" i screamed at him. i was done listening to this. Yes, i fucked up, yes, i wasted a week of my life in preparing this stupid heist, yes, i got hurt, yes, i got rescued. I know i fucked up, but i didn't need to have it rubbed in. "I didn't ask for your fucking help! DID I? NO, i don't think so. Maybe i was content to die there? Huh? did you think about that? No, of course not, lets make our own decisions again. What, were you expecting thanks? huh? Fine! THANK YOU, oh almighty one, THANK YOU for once again saving my poor pitiful hide after i made a mistake. Maybe next time, you could just do EVERYTHING since you're so FUCKING PERFECT!"
    I stopped screaming at him to catch my breath. He was still sitting there on the floor, a look of complete shock on his face. Suddenly, i felt...drained, it got harder to breath, and i fell face forward.
    I think i blacked out, because suddenly I'm in his arms and he's shaking me and calling my name.
    "Answer me!"
    i blearily open my eyes...and was surprised to see the lord of shadows with a serious expression on his face. He looked genuinely worried.
    "how long was i out?" i asked him, mildly concerned. He sighed as i responded to him, then helped me sit up. "You've been unconscious for a few minutes, the poison must have hit your heart finally. Don't worry," he interjects, noting the look on my face "i purged it from your body...but you're still missing a lot of blood." he bites his lip...then nods to himself. "alright, i think we've goofed off long enough, time to do my job." I glared at him "I wasn't goofing off." i say, then gasp in pain as he helps me stand. I realize I'm leaning on him, and attempt to pull away, but he tightens his grip as we begin walking through the halls of his temple. "There's a time and a place for stubbornness. This is neither" he says. I open my mouth to say something witty, but change my mind. I've never seen him so...serious before. I cant say how long we walked in silence, but eventually we reached a set of double doors. He waved his free hand at them and they swung open silently, then he pulled me inside with him.
    I was about to complain about the treatment, but then i caught sight of the room we ere in and the protest died in my throat. We were standing in a large room, decorated with small vases of flowers. The majority of the room, however, was taken up by a HUGE bath, like one you would see in a nobles pool room or at a public bath. I could see steam gently wafting up from the water, and it carried a familiar scent. I looked again, and there were flowers floating on top of the water. "Moonblossoms..." i breathed. He let me stand on my own, and moved behind me. I heard him chuckle. "Your favorite right? Hold still, i need to remove this arrow."
    I sucked in air as i felt him grab the arrow, but i didn't feel any pain as he removed it. I heard him hiss as he examined the arrowhead. "what is this? Orcish? that's going to need some delicate healing...go ahead and get in, the water should help your recovery."
    I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of my favorite flower, and strode forward. My body was still in pain, but i felt a kind of...renewal from the perfume in the air. I waded into the pool, walking into it until the water came up to right below my waist. I looked upwards, and was amazed to find that there wasn't a ceiling, instead i was treated to a beautiful view of the night sky. It was a clear night, and the stars and moon were out in full.
    "wow..." i breathed in awe. I heard a chuckle from behind me. "This is a beautiful bath isn't it? Go on, praise me." I breathed in again, then exhaled. "Yeah, it is beautiful." i admitted. I turned to looked behind me at him. "You did a good job on it, thank you for taking me here." and i smiled at him softly. he stopped fumbling with the towels or whatever it was and just stared at me. His mouth opened and closed a few times, before he cleared his throat and looked away from me. "everything ok? i praised you like you asked." i said, frowning at his antics. "y...yes, i just, ah, didn't expect you to do so...so honestly, caught me off guard." he stammered. i snorted. "as you said, there is a time for stubbornness, this isn't it." he gave a short guffaw at that. "I wasn't aware you listened to me." i sniffed at that, and looked back up at the stars. "I LISTEN, its just you spout so much garbage it's rare when you say something useful." he chuckled at that. "I suppose so."
    i heard the sloshing of water as he strode up behind me. "here, sit." he said pulling me down into his lap. "this wound is much worse than i thought, it will take a little bit of time to heal it properly. just relax." "thanks, i'll do that." i felt his hand on my wound, heard the murmuring of a spell, and the humming of the magic as my flesh began melding together. i watched the sky, looking for the constellations among the multitude of lights in the sky.
    It's absolutely quiet for a few moments. "You know..." i heard him begin "you DO need to be more careful. I may be an omnipotent god, but I'm not INFALLIBLE, had i been even a second later you would have been killed, by poison, blood loss, or one of those guards. It's through my influence that you managed to stay alive this long." i sighed. "I'm aware...sorry about that punch by the way." he chuckled. "i can honestly say i wasn't expecting that." "what? did you honestly expect me to say those words to you?" he laughs "I did...guess I've learned my lesson." i snorted. "lets hope." he chuckles at that. then claps his hand on my shoulder where i was formerly wounded. "there, all done. i suggest you stay in the pool for the rest of the night, there are still some traces of poison in your body. the good news is that by morning you should be immune to it. so there shouldn't be a repeat of tonight." i felt him slide out from under me and stand. "ill leave you to your rest. oh, and don't worry about your armor, it'll be repaired and cleaned by morning." i didn't turn around, i just listened as he strode out of the water, and the rustle of clothing as he got dressed. I made a decision, and turned around.
    "My Lord?" he stopped, his hand on the door, "what is it champion?" i took a deep breath, before saying "Thank you for saving me, than you for your help." he looked surprised again, so i continued quickly. "But remember that i don't NEED your help, i LET you help me. Don't expect a repeat of tonight." his look of shock was replaced by his usual grin. He bowed low. "Of course champion. But i suggest you be careful, I'd hate to make you eat your words." and with that, he turned and strode out of the room, laughing to himself. I turned foward and sighed. I still hate that grin. I looked back up at the sky, and leaned backwards, letting my body float upwards. I started counting stars, until i finally fell asleep.

    and thats it, thats what i wanted to write. In case it wasn't obvious, this WAS inspired by BOOTY-MASTER-GENERAL (fanfare) I hope you enjoy it, if you dont, then send me mean messages and hatemail so i can feed off of it...i mean...cry about it. Bu yeah, writing is hard, shoutout to all the actual writers who write stuff regularly. you be great peoples
     
  2. Ecroose

    Ecroose Member Member

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    Shoot, i forgot to label as SFW, how do i change the title?
     
  3. Benji

    Benji Director Staff Artist Writer

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    Fixed it for you. :) Should under Thread Tools at the top right, I think, for future reference.
     
  4. Ecroose

    Ecroose Member Member

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    Thank you Benji XD
     
  5. NizzJipple

    NizzJipple Well-Known Member Member

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    I thought that giant bath sounded familiar... of course the funny thing is, I never actually wrote Booty-master-general actually TAKING a bath with the champion in mine - which seems counter-productive seeing as my story revolved around a very sticky protagonist...

    regardless, I enjoyed the story you posted and I'm flattered you used my little (poorly structured near the end) scene for inspiration :)

    Also a Lord of Shadows' that takes the form of a raccoon... I see what you did there... you know raccoons look like they have little bandit masks on and all that. Pretty good ;)
     
  6. Ecroose

    Ecroose Member Member

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    Thanks for reading! and yeah, when i was making him, i was thinking "maybe i could make the Lord of Shadows a lizard?" but then i was like "Nah, a racoon sounds sexier atm." Im pretty satisfied with the finished product (there are a bunch of grammar and spelling errors, but i am NOT in the mood to hunt them down, it's on my to-do list i promise) but writing is HARD q.q
     

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